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» Relationship Health Quiz

Answer yes or no to each question, then check your score below:

1.       Do you value the same things in your partner that you value in yourself?

2.       Does your face spontaneously break into a smile when you see your partner?

3.       When you leave the house, does your partner have a sense of well being, having been nourished by your company?

4.       Can you and your partner tell each other honestly what you really want instead of using manipulation or games?

5.       Can your partner get angry at you without your thinking less of her/him?

6.       Can you accept your partner as he/she is instead of having several plans to change her/him?

7.       Can you feel comfortable with your partner when he/she's wearing old clothes?

8.       Do you enjoy introducing your partner to your friends or acquaintances?

9.       Are you able to share with your partner your moments of weakness, failure, disappointment?

10.    Would your partner say you are a good listener?

11.    Do you trust your partner to solve his/her own problems?

12.    Do you believe you could live a full and happy life without your partner?

13.    Do you encourage your partner to develop his/her full potential as a person?

14.    If your partner were to die tomorrow, would you be very happy you had the chance to meet him/her and have a relationship?

15.    Does your partner feel he/she's more important than any other human being or anything else in your life?

16.    Do you believe you know at least five of your partner's major needs and how to meet those needs in skillful ways?

17.    Do you know what your partner needs when he/she's under stress or discouraged?

18.    When you offend your partner, do you usually admit you were wrong and seek his/her forgiveness?

19.    Would your partner say you praise him/her at least once a day?

20.    Would your partner say you are open to his/her correction?

21.    Would your partner say you are a protector, that you know what his/her limitations are as a man/woman?

22.    Would your partner say you usually consider his/her feelings and ideas whenever making a decision that affects the family or him/her?

23.    Would your partner say you enjoy being with him/her and sharing many of life's experiences with him/her?

24.    Would your partner say you area good example of what you would like him/her to be?

25.    Would you say you create interest in him/her when you share things you consider important?

If you answered "yes" to 10 or less questions, then your relationship is in major need of overhaul.

Relationship Warning Signs
In this relationship am I:

1. Disregarding my own intentions?
2. Overlooking behavior that deeply hurts me?
3. Covering up behavior I despise?
4. Appearing cheerful when I'm hurt or angry?
5. Allowing my standards or values to be compromised?
6. Assuming responsibility for all the problems in our relationship?
7. Believing I have no option but to stay?
8. Experiencing a deepening sense of loneliness or disconnectedness?
9. Considering a relationship (or already have begun) with someone else?
10. Becoming critical of everything regarding my partner?

Successful Relationship Keys
NOT: I've been unhappy up until now, and I expect you to change all that.

INSTEAD: I am a worthwhile person, capable of and deserving of a loving relationship with someone. I'd like that to be you, but if not you, I'm worthwhile enough to be loved by lots of people.

SELF-WORTH AFFIRMATIONS:

I am the most important factor in any relationship
I am involved in. Acknowledging this fact is an
important first step on my journey to a happy love
relationship.

I am a valuable human being, but I can
be even more valuable than I am now,
especially to myself.

If I love me, understand me, and am really
honest with myself then full sharing relationships
will come naturally. They may take a little
longer to develop but they are likely to be
relationships worth waiting for.

Do's and Don'ts of Relationships
Don't:

  • Begin your statements with "you should", "you ought to", "you always' or "you never"
  • Re-fight old arguments or re-live old hurts
  • Do everything together
  • Demand change
  • Call names, use sarcasm, make accusations

Do:

·          Even when the source of pain seems clearly to be your partner's behavior, try to get in touch with what is going on inside you

  • Listen carefully and non-judgmentally to what your partner is saying/feeling
  • Make positive suggestions in specific terms about what you'd like to be different in your relationship with your partner
  • Practice assessing where your relationship is frequently

Daily temperature reading:

1.       Appreciation: Take turns expressing appreciation for something your partner has done.

2.       New information: Tell your partner something which lets him/her in on your mood, your experiences, your life.

3.       Puzzles: Take turns asking each other something you don't understand (either about your own behavior or that of your partner) that your partner might be able to explain.

4.       Complaint with request for change: Without placing blame or being judgmental, cite a specific behavior that bothers you and state the behavior you would like instead.

5.       Hopes: Share with your partner what your dreams/hopes are, especially those which involve both of you.

Steps for Building Loving Relationships into your Daily Routine

  • Hug someone important to you.
  • Do something thoughtful for someone give of yourself in ways other than gifts.
  • Listen to them.
  • Follow through on your promises
  • Ask for help when you feel overloaded; then accept that help without criticizing their performance.
  • Make an active choice to let someone else have his/her way when you disagree.
  • Tell someone you care about them.
  • Allow someone to use a personal belonging that you value.
  • Believe that others will do what they tell you.
  • Set aside some time for quiet talk.
  • Share some of your secrets, even when that's risky.
  • Try to reduce the frequency of judgmental thoughts about other people's behaviors.
 
 
 

Last Updated 1/22/07